I Was Already a Germaphobe — Then COVID Happened

Coronavirus Took My Anxiety to New Extremes. But Getting Help Wasn’t Easy.

This article is part of the column Overthinking Everything at She Explores Life.

For years, I’ve been showing up to doctors’ offices prepared to present my own diagnosis. A good number of times I’ve even been right. The reason? Health anxiety. On a good day, this means I may get stressed out if I think I have a cold. On a bad day, it can mean spending hours obsessing over whether the cramp in my stomach may signal a rare disease. It also means that I’ve been a painstakingly perceptive germaphobe well before COVID ever existed. I mean, it was probably somewhat inevitable — my mom was the type of parent who discreetly passed hand sanitizer down the church pew when I was a kid. While I rolled my eyes back then, I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t do the same thing today. The thoughts about who may have touched what or where this could have been are second nature to me.

I sometimes think that if I was better informed about certain topics, say the inner workings of my body (which I undoubtedly learned in health class but have since forgotten), I’d have less anxiety. I’ve even considered trying to educate myself online. But in my experience, Googling symptoms or health-related questions typically…